I am not sure exactly where, but I find myself searching for a place. You’re supposed to be here, there is a place for you, come and sit. A chair is pulled back for me and I approach my seat lovingly, but I hesitate. I feel a small wave of inadequacy. If only they knew, if only they knew. They would know my body does not belong in that chair. I look over myself... still, there is a stubborn stain on the left side and a rip down the middle. I glance to check if anyone notices. I hope they don’t.
In the corner of my eye, I notice a black form. It’s dainty and swirling, it might be my shadow. But it’s empty, hollow. It’s not sure of me. I’m not sure of myself. I stand up and look, yearning for my place. Fear pulls against my efforts,
making my muscles weak. Every pit in my stomach, shudder of my chest, chill of excitement appearing over my skin proves my body agrees. I want to run, and I know I can, but I am dragged back to a resting place. This doesn’t feel like rest. My torso tightens, I am undone piece by piece.
Let me disappear so I can breathe.
making my muscles weak. Every pit in my stomach, shudder of my chest, chill of excitement appearing over my skin proves my body agrees. I want to run, and I know I can, but I am dragged back to a resting place. This doesn’t feel like rest. My torso tightens, I am undone piece by piece.
Let me disappear so I can breathe.
Still a softness comes flowing towards me, it invades my isolation and doubt. I let the unfamiliar approach me, there’s a wild uncertainty. Although I am afraid, it is kind and it is dancing. Again the soft reminder of joy and belonging feel tangible. A warm glow falls across my face. I am a stranger. Welcome home.
We can feel physically present and feel a strong belonging, but experience moments of doubt, insecurity and disjointedness. This is the most shocking, when we expect to feel comfortable or fulfilled by one thing or the other, but instead find ourselves longing for something different, or something more. To feel at home, but to also feel like a stranger. Our human nature is more complex than to exist feeling joy, or solitude, or loneliness one after the other, but instead we often experience them together. And somehow we are left with the task of navigating and existing in the midst of that tension. These works are meant not only to describe the dual nature of our emotional states, but also to express how those things are experienced physically. Our bodies are not passive hosts, or empty containers for sentiment and spirit; they instead experience our emotions just as tangibly
as our conscious minds.
as our conscious minds.